Spoke with a friend of mine the other day. She had just broken up with her boyfriend recently, and was telling me that she was anxious to put it all behind her and move on. But something in her words and the look in her eyes told me that she was not ready. It reminded me of a passage I wrote in my RealAdviceForTheUnemployed book:

Immediately after you get fired, you  just experienced one of the most significant, emotionally devastating experiences you will ever face.

The worst and the most futile thing I or anyone else can do in trying to help you out of this mess is to calmly (and, pretending that I/we are experts in your particular situation) tell you to sit down and make a list of 10 things concerning this or that, create an inventory of household items you don’t require, so you can sell them at the garage sale you are now going to need to have, and add up all of your monthly expenditures in order to take stock of where you are financially to see if there’s anything you can cut back on right away. 

Now, make a list of 10 businesses you can call on to see what exciting new jobs they have waiting just for you.

ThankyouverymuchIllgetonthatrightaway.

The truth is, lists are nice. They help us organize our thoughts. They give us a visual representation of all the things we need to do, all the prioritization of things that need to be done. And lists provide us with that “map” so we don’t get lost.

Lists are important, but they’re important for those who actually don’t need to make a list. They are important for those who already lead orderly lives and have set schedules that gives them the time to make lists.They are important for those who are thinking rationally and are not (like you are) slowly but surely going quite insane. At this point, your logical functioning is probably on par with a marmoset, and your hands are shaking so much that your penmanship rivals that of your 88 year old grandfather. Make a list? Right now? In the middle of all this?

Bite me.

And as far as those 10 businesses you’re asked to list so you can give them a call concerning new employment opportunities? Not only have your writing skills abandoned you, but your verbal skills have deserted you as well, seeking much much greener pastures with someone who can form a sentence or two that actually makes sense.

Your vocabulary now mainly consists of “Wha?” “Huh?” “I dunno”, and “^#$%&^&@#^*!” This is because without a job to keep your mind functioning at it’s highest level, your I.Q. has, at warp speed, gone from 130 to just below 80. You are now not only unemployed, you are now talking and probably acting like an idiot.

And idiots don’t get jobs.

Is list making what you did when your dog died? Sorry to bring up a sad memory in your life, but it fits. After the passing of your beloved pet, did you think about replacing Rover right away? Did you immediately sit down and list 5 attributes you wanted in a new, replacement dog? Did you create a list of cute dog names to pick from right after he closed his eyes for the last time?

No you did not.

You sat down and had a good cry. I don’t care how tough or studly you think you are, you probably sobbed like a baby, and you didn’t give a shit who knew it.

You then grabbed your shovel and dug a deep hole in your yard (probably in the spot where your beloved friend spent a great deal of his/her time), lovingly wrapped it in a nice white shroud, and cradling it in your arms, carried it to it’s final resting place. Standing at the gravesite with your wife and children by your side, and reading excerpts from Rudyard Kipling’s “A Dog For Jesus,” you cried some more. And you were not ashamed.

When all in attendance at this funeral said their goodbyes, you all hugged one another. Sending the wife and children away, you gently placed the poem into the grave (so Jesus could read it when he received your pet), and you began the final task of covering up the grave alone with your private thoughts and cherished memories, because you needed to finish the last scene by yourself.

You grieved. You say goodbye. You’re still sad, but you went through the proper steps that helped you put some closure on your loss. You healed a bit.

By the way, look up that poem and see if you can get through it without weeping like a little girl. I’m not kidding. Stop reading this book right now and Google that poem. Read it. I’ll wait.

Better yet, watch the video.

See? I told you. You cried, didn’t you. It’s alright. We all need a good cry every so often.

Especially you.

This is just one of the things you need to do when you lose your job. Cry, say your goodbyes, bury it, and move on.

I say “one of the things,” you need to do because we all react to personal losses in our own way. A way that is personal to us. A way that helps us exorcise our hurt and sense of tragic loss. Do not feel guilty about how you do it to manage your pain. This is your way – nobody elses. And you need to heal yourself regarding your loss the best way you can, because before this is all over, before you regain your balance, you’re going to go through some really crazy stuff and you need to be clear headed and strong.

Real strong.

It might not be the best time to sit down and make a list right now. Especially on your computer. Because somewhere in the top 5 things to do, you will write, “Burn down my ex boss’s house.” This could become public at some point and paint you in a bad light, especially if your ex boss’s house actually does catch on fire someday.

My Advice? Stay strong!