Upon getting fired, Olivia, her head down, feet shuffling, sweaty hands carrying her bankers box full of personal belongings, made her way through the busy office. Eyes downcast, focusing only on the floor, and avoiding all contact with any other living thing, she shuffled out the nearest exit towards the parking lot feeling all the shame, embarrassment, and humiliation that this experience brought  her.

“Have a nice day.”

A rather sad, but a rather common occurrence just the same.

Just a short time ago, Olivia was regarded as a productive member of society, a “really good person.” She was someone who could always be counted on. Someone who mattered. Now, because she finds herself jobless, she may not be held in such high esteem. And that’s just part of what unemployment means to her.

It also means a lot of unwanted emotions are now Olivia’s best friends who may never, ever leave her side. Emotions like emptiness, the feeling of failure, desperation, and the fear of just about everyone and everything will now govern her life.

And it brings the one searing question that will occupy most of her thoughts: “How in the hell am I going to make it through until tomorrow?”   

And honestly, how many times do we get to sit down with anyone, and I mean anyone, and really talk about that part of being unemployed? Rarely, if ever.

We simply just never get it out.

A long time ago I remember reading an article about soldiers returning from the Vietnam War. After serving his 12-month duty in the war zone, the typical combat soldier was airlifted out by helicopter, taken to the nearest air force base, where he then jumped on a plane headed back to the U.S.A. In other words, if he left on Monday, he’d be home (“back in the world,” as they called it) by about Tuesday.

In contrast, the soldiers coming home from World War Two after their service was over were put on a big boat with all the other soldiers that took weeks to bring them home.

Well, someone in the Defense Department took a look at the incidence of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) between the Vietnam Vet and the World War Two Vet, and among all the many reasons for this disorder, he concluded that one of the reasons PTSD was higher during Vietnam than World War Two, was that those returning from World War Two had time, important time, to decompress. They had time to sort some of the madness out. Time to speak with other soldiers on that big slow boat about shared experiences. Time to at least face down some of the demons and begin to heal.

For those serving in Vietnam, there was no time. On Monday, the fighting man was somewhere in the dense, water logged jungles being shot at by an enemy he couldn’t see, and existing somewhere on the seventh circle (the outer ring) of Dante’s Inferno. On Wednesday, he was back in the world, shopping for cake mix and trying to act normal.

I tell you this because, well, it’s something I know, and now it’s something you know. I also tell you this because even though I am not comparing combat in Vietnam to you getting fired, you are at least a little bit, like the Vietnam Vet. You are not given any or enough time to even begin to heal.

Let’s try and not forget about Olivia.

My advice? Let’s talk about it.

Read this carefully: No matter where you live, big city or small, you cannot look for a job 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Similarly, no matter what important job skill you are proud to have, not a lot of employers may find it as attractive as you would want to believe.

There are just going to be days when (1) Nothing is going on. (2) You just can’t face any more rejection today. (3) The job(s) that is/are available, are not jobs you would qualify for anyway. If you’re not a plumber, you’re not going to get a plumber job. If you’re not a junior account executive, you are not going to get that job either. (4) The NCIS marathon is on today from nine in the morning until eleven o’clock at night. Just promise yourself, “I’ll give it hell tomorrow.”

So what to do? Again, going on fear, we’re afraid that when the husband/wife comes home he or she will magically just know you have wasted another day of job hunting. It’s uncanny, and rather spooky, but they know.

My Advice? Do one of two things. One of these includes lying about what a tough day you had looking for a job (which is wrong), but remember, you’re not doing so well, and you just can’t emotionally afford one more argument.

But first, you can try telling the truth. “I looked in the want ads in three different papers, got on the computer and hooked back up with Monster.com and Findmeafrigginjob.com and nothing. Checked with my Facebook page. Made some callbacks. Not a Goddamn thing. But look. I’ve got some nice pumpkin pie filling all warmed up for you. MMMMM.”

 

That will work for a while. Funny thing is, your life partner, your sweetie pie, your number 1 guy or gal knows the unemployment rate is high, and everybody is scrambling around trying to save themselves. But as the saying goes, “All politics are local.” In the end your significant other doesn’t really give a shit what is happening nationwide or even down the block. He or she only cares about what’s happening under his/her roof.

And all there is not so good.

Now I don’t recommend this next little thing, but what the hell, how can it get worse? On those days that you know there is nothing for you out there that day, make the bed. Go to your closet and get out your suit and tie and a clean white shirt. Put on the clean white shirt and tie and prance around the house for a while. After you have wrinkled everything up a bit, go back to the bedroom, take off your shirt and tie and place them sort of haphazardly on the bed. Throw your suit pants over the bedpost. When your spouse gets home, she will see the clothes and have what she believes is physical proof that you at least tried to find work today. “Bless his little heart.”

Ladies, this works for you as well. (Besides, you prance better than we do.) Except do this with a dress or a pants suit.

Now look me in the eye and tell me honestly that many of you reading this haven’t already performed this little trick. You have, haven’t you? It’s pathetic, isn’t it?

It’s wrong, and you hate yourself, but you’ve already had 25 knock down drag out fights about how the hell you’re going to make it through all of this, and you really don’t have the energy for number 26. Acting out this little lie simply gets you a reprieve and through another day. And remember (I am truly speaking from my heart, here) there just isn’t always a potential job out there every day. There just isn’t.

One last thing before we leave this post. I wasn’t sure where to put this section, but since we’re talking about job hunting, this is about as good a place as any. It’s your personal hygiene.

I know, I know, the way you look, dress, and smell is ultimately pretty much up to you. But I’ve got to tell you, you’re looking like shit lately.

There are, I’m sure, lots of reasons for this: depression, anxiety, the feeling of worthlessness, emptiness.

Well, you get the idea.

Again, there’s a whole bunch of psychology pertaining to this, but in a nutshell, add up all those depressing thoughts and it all boils down to how much energy it’s going to take you to get yourself cleaned up every day, and how complicated it all is. Unless you have an interview for a job that day, what is the point of it all?

Regardless, keep up with your damn hygiene. Why? In a word, well, actually two: “self respect.” Don’t lose your self respect. You can be poor and jobless and out of money and feeling lonely and desperate and at some points during the day utterly uninvolved with the entire universe.

It’s all right. It’s OK. Remember, you’re human, and emotions filled with “bad humors” will often times get the better of you. I realize how hard it can be, but a shave and a hot shower every damn day actually is good therapy.

My Advice? Stay clean, people.

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